I saw a piece of paper on a bullitin board this week that said only "what would you do if you weren't afraid?"
I walk past that board every day, and every day, I am drawn to it because of that question. It seems to strike some deep sad place in my heart.
I don't know what I would do if I wasn't afraid.
I can't think that far ahead. I am struggling to get past the "weren't afraid" part. I can't imagine living a single day without being afraid.
I'm afraid of what people think about me.
Are those stupid blonde girls in the back row whispering about how fat I am?
Is that person at the checkout in the grocery store disgusted by me because I bought this bag of cookies?
Will the people that I love take their love away from me?
Did I let my guard down too quickly and scare people away with my true self?
Will people that love me for who they think I am love me for who I truly am?
Will my child be hurt by things that his peers say? He asked me yesterday if he was fat...I am so afraid for him to get hurt. I don't know how to protect him.
Will some angry child bring a gun to his school?
Will someone hurt him as I have been hurt?
Are there pedophiles that will hurt my baby if I forget and let my guard down for one second?
I think that is my greatest fear.
I fear that I can't protect him from the dangers in this world.
There are SO many more fears that I have...I can't imagine what I would do if I wasn't afraid...I can't imagine not being afraid.
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2 comments:
That's a very interesting question. I don't know what I'd do either.
Friend, I love you. I consider myself extremely blessed to have you in my life.
You are wonderful, beautiful, and a great mom!
After all, you're the "Friend of the Century!"
I think fear is good in moderation. You just have to know when to let go and take the risk.
And the day came when the wish to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin
That's one of my favorite quotes. I fear a lot of things. The world is a scary place these days. But, sometimes I just have to take the risk and hope for the best.
I love your blog :)
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